Shadow of Sadness
by Hansuke
Summary: Nokoru is hospitalized. Suoh reveales his true feelings, Idomu continues his revenge but all through dreams. Though his dreams came true. He bleeds in the hospital for no reason... and he might die. What will Suoh do? Will he accept all the truths yet to
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- Rain's Passion

Every scene that is written just pops up in my head. So if there's something that can be found in the series, it just popped in my dreams. I haven't watched the whole series yet but I wanted to TT

Anyweiz…. Thanks to my best bud and editor….. tantananan! Satoshi! Thanks a lot... Oh please RxR…. Rated M for a reason… and if it is rated M… no children allowed -". Well if you want to read it… suit yourself! Thanks a lot!

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The day ended slowly and night broke, clearing the joyful bright sky and changed into a sad and lonely darkness. The clouds gathered, covering the only bright lights that was not really theirs but borrowed from the real star. Dilatorily, the wind became colder and soon rain had fallen from heaven, enveloping the whole place. Darkness reigned trough the cold and melancholy night.

Nokoru stood in silence, his eyes shut and his head tilted up; accepting the rain to flow all over him. He was already cold and desperately soaking wet but he didn't mind, he didn't care at all. He opened his sapphire blue eyes, sparkling beautifully in the midst of despair. His eyes were the only ones glimmering in the night; those inexplicable eyes of his- can't even deceive his looks… he was crying. Those eyes of an Imonoyama can never change what he feels, what he seems and what he hides under his mask. For some reason, rain is the only thing that can reveal his sorrow, which was never shown to anyone.

A frown marked on his face as he felt pressure on his entire body. His heart seems to be bleeding and he can't help it. He was all alone, ever since before and until now. Even though he has Suoh and Akira most of the time beside him; he was trained not to tell anyone of his pain. The smile, which is their trademark, an Imonoyama's mask. That's why… he is so alone and sorrow cradles him in darkness. He is suffering and no one noticed that because of his mask. "I am not perfect at all as everyone thought so. I can't be what they want me to be." Tears fell rapidly down his cheeks and smiled. He hates his life! He wants to be free. He needs someone to lean on. He can't carry this pain all by himself.

He lifted his feet and slowly walked just to ease the pain but it won't go away and it hurts him even more. He then stopped before a Cypress tree, staring at it. He tilted his head and watched the leaves dance with the wind, some would rather fall before him and would lie flatly on the ground, waiting till it whither. "Cypress…" Nokoru placed his hand on the bark of the tree, feeling its rough texture. "…do you also feel pain?" He turned his back and lowered his head, making his golden hair cover his sapphire blue eyes. "Maybe not…" He walked away in silence and sat on the stairway before their house and kept on thinking. "What if I was not born as an Imonoyama? Will my destiny be changed or will it be the same? Will I be able to meet Suoh and Akira if I were just an ordinary person, an ordinary Nokoru? But… will I be that person I wanted if I became ordinary?' Nokoru raised his head and faced the rain, dripping down him.

Tears fell down again, warming his soft cold cheeks. He just can't stop it from flowing out. He is eventually a human, which means he may release this pain lingering in his heart. Even training can't stop this pain because it is natural for humans to show it off. Whatever their state of life is or whoever they are, everyone had fallen in sadness and experienced the pain of imperfection. Nokoru held his chest and felt the beat of his lonely sacred heart. He didn't know what to do anymore, he was just that oppressed and unsecured. He wants to tell his feelings but he can't, he was afraid to tell it to anyone. The paint that lingers in his heart will never be revealed as he said it to himself again and again. He stood up and was not able to move as a familiar voice approached him from behind. "Kaichou! What are you doing out here in the middle of the night!" The blonde turned his back and faced the angry ninja. "Suoh…isn't the rain beautiful?" Nokoru looked up the sky, smiling… wearing his innocent mask again, covering himself. Luckily, it was dark and rain flowed covering his tears as they slowly faded away. "Yes… err…. Kaichou!" The blonde giggled and tapped Suoh on the shoulder. "That's not funny. Please get inside the house already before you get sick." Suoh grabbed him by the arm and directed him in his room. He was very tense and worried too much in his condition. He asked the blonde to take his bath as soon as they got in his room and eyed him till he gets in the bathroom and takes a shower.

"Kaichou! I can't believe you stayed there for hours already! Don't you know that you might get sick?" Suoh scolded Nokoru directly after he had put on his clothes. "Geez Nokoru! I've been saying this a hundred times already! Nokoru… are you listening? Nokoru! Nokoru!" The blonde fainted, falling in the ninja's arms. The blue haired placed him on his bed and checked his temperature. His face marked an unwanted look and hastily ran outside calling for help.

To be continued….

Short… I guess… Oh well… move on to the next chapie!

Warning: CCD is not owned my Hansuke, it's CLAMP's property. -


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Despair

Hansuke: All scenes are not suitable for very young audiences. Parental Guidance is recommended. (tv shows) Haha… -"

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"_Doctor! Doctor!"_

"_Suoh… where are you…? What's happening…?"_

"_Will he be alright, doctor!"_

"_Please say something!"_

"_Akira? Why are you calling for a doctor?"_

Nokoru opened his eyes enough to see his friends. He felt so numb. He can't move his body; it won't shift in his order. "Suoh…Akira…" The blonde closed his eyes again but their voices still collided his eyes and to his thoughts. He can't help it, he felt incredibly hot and extremely paralyzed. He was that weak and so forth, he was unconscious. It became dark and again… darkness had cradled Nokoru to its arms.

It started to rain again in the middle of the night. The wind whispers cold, melancholy songs; making those who hear, fall in deep silence but someone was awake. He can't take the sound of rain, dripping down his window shade, the only thing that reminds him of his sorrow. He opened his sapphire blue eyes and sat down on the bed where he was laying before. He wrapped himself around his soft arms, he felt so cold due to the consistent fall of heavy rain. He needed warmth of a mother but there was none and he knows that. He can't even blame his parents because… "Because it's not their fault." Nokoru whispered to himself as he tightened his grip to his body. He rested his chin on his knee and began to think in silence.

His eyes marked hollow, tainting its beautiful gleam. He is hurt, and he knows it but he escapes the truth. "Why am I smiling?" Nokoru paused and listened to the rain. "because it is our expression of hiding our true feelings… under a mask… and Imonoyama's masquerade. And I can't blame anyone about it… It is my destiny after all." The blonde raised his head as he heard the door open. He looked at the dark figure which came in though Nokoru didn't see much of his face since he had closed the door before the light could even show the person's identity. Nokoru just rendered his masculine figure on which that he concluded that the person is a guy, just about his age. The guy went closed and stood before his bed making the blonde to adjust his eyes in the night to see the person behind his shadows.

"Who… who are you?" Nokoru murmured as he kept his eyes locked on the guy's face, waiting till he answers back. But one thing he wasn't sure about, his heart beated fast and his grip tightened on the blanket as the guy smiled at him sending him shivers down to his spines. The blonde was bothered by this, especially when the guy leaned over him and whispered. "Revenge best suits… for the person who stole my mother's smile." Afterwards, he turned his back and left the blonde speechless and stunned. "Idomu…"

Nokoru ran out of the room, wanting to see Idomu. He had gone out of the room and surprisingly found himself standing in a chamber of darkness and fear. He can't believe it, where was he anyway? Why would there be a room in such a place? Concluding stuffs, the blonde affirmed that he was no where in their mansion; instead of another's. But why is there a chamber here? Nokoru was surprised as two metallic figures caught his hands, unable to release him free. Even his feet where locked with the same metallic figures. Whatsoever the blonde do, he can't free himself. He felt uneasy as he heard footsteps walking to his direction. He was in fear but he tried to be brave and face the person. "Chamber it may seem… dear Kacihou." Nokoru was alarmed by the voice. He knew he had heard that voice before and it is familiar, hearing it everyday seeming to be music in his ears. "Su- Suoh! Is that you!" The figure showed before the blonde, revealing himself out of darkness, smiling. "Yes Kaichou, it is me; Suoh."

Nokoru smiled at his presence, being eased out in his situation but things kept him bothered. Looking at his friend, Suoh, he knew it was not right. The ninja should be freaking out by now, asking him if he's alright and he should be helping him out of the metallic cuffs but he did not. He just stood before him, frowning. The ninja went closer to the blonde, inches away and locked his amber eyes to sapphire ones. "Tell me Kaichou… Why have you done this to me? Don't you know that it hurts me?" Suoh lifted his hand and held his one's cheeks, feeling the warmth it releases. "Suoh… I'm sorry. I promise I would do my paper works already and-" He was cut off as the blue haired intervened. "It's not that Nokoru… I… I wanted you… and it seems that you haven't noticed this feeling I'm having towards you."

The ninja's hands trailed down to his one's neck and down to his chest, starting to unbutton his shirt and before the blonde could react, Suoh had pressed his lips to Nokoru's. For a moment, he did not release him and pressed his lips deeper till he had taken off the blonde's shirt. He pulled out and took deep breaths. The blonde was in silence; unable to speak because of the tension he was feeling. He was in deep thoughts, seeking for the right words to say, but the question is… is there any? The ninja wrapped his arms around his one and kissed him one more time. "Nokoru… now tell me… Do you love me?" The ninja waited for his answer, his arms were still around the blonde's waist.

Nokoru opened his mouth, but no words had escaped. He still did not know what to respond to the question he threw. He was confused and too astonished to say anything. He faced down unable to eye on Suoh directly. He just can't, he knows that having a relationship with him would be in vanity, in other words, unacceptable. But… he loves him, he was more than just a friend, he was someone very special to him. Yet, he can't decide far apart the two. What will he follow; his love or his pride? His heart or his brain? His true self or his mask?

Suoh frowned, and stepped back a foot. "So you're not yet ready." Nokoru looked up to see the ninja but he was gone in darkness, leaving no trace or any means of goodbye. "Who are you looking for?" Another voice approached at his back; familiar and it was. "Idomu!" Nokoru was bewildered; he can't explain what's happening anymore. Tell me Idomu… where am I?" The red-haired smiled and went before him, slowly. He was inches apart from Nokoru. His face, Nokoru haven't seen that looks on him before; he was happy… planning something evil. "My dear Nokoru… you're in hell…"

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"Doctor! Doctor! What's gonna happen to him! Tell me!" The raging ninja demanded. He was throbbing in great fear that his one's life could be in great danger or worse, it may cause him his death. Suoh held the doctor on his collar making the old man sweat in fear. Luckily, Akira held Suoh's other arm and calmed his superior, telling him that arguing with the doctor wouldn't help. "The patient… he's having pneumonia but in his case…" The doctor lowered his head and turned to his side. "His case is the worse that I have seen." The two stood in horror, filling the room with silence, unable to react on the doctor's statement. "I'm sorry but we'll try our best to find a cure for him." The doctor tried to lighten their burdens but failed. He just then quietly stepped out and left the two examining their Kaichou's sleeping body.

Suoh closed his eyes and shook his head. He sat beside the blonde who was filled with tubes attached around his body and a mask for proper breathing. The ninja smiled but slowly vanished in fear that his one would soon leave him. "Nokoru…" Suoh paused and held Nokoru's hand to his cheek, feeling a bit tormented, suffering in his own thoughts. "You won't leave us… right?" The blue haired whispered and in silence, he spoke to himself. "I wouldn't know what to do next if you'll leave me."

To be continued…

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Oo This is quite dramatic. Oh well, the chamber part was all in a dream. In my next chapters, there will be lots of scenes which are all in a dream of Nokoru but something happens, some of it comes true. oO. Gosh, this chapter in quite not good though it is long -". Haha… thanks for reading this chapter and thanks a lot to Satoshi-kun my best editor! -" please stay tuned for the next chapters.

Warning: CCD is not owned by Hansuke. It is a property of CLAMP… -"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Sufferings

Hansuke: Please RxR…………… Oo" uhm….. Move on to the story shall we!

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Nokoru was still locked in the chamber, nothing to do but stay in silence and to reminisce all the things that had happened, especially on what Suoh did. He was indeed… stunned and his heart, until now, raced with his breath. He now doesn't know how to face his friend or even what he will answer back; though he knows and he feels something special for the blue-haired ninja; he just can't say it. Their love is in conceit and he will just put his name in dishonor. The name that he had taken care of for a long time already… will he put it down? However, if he'll pursue his heart then he'll be happy but if he'll go other way around, following his pride then he might just suffer. "I don't know… I don't know which one to chose. I don't know which one to follow… Suoh."

Nokoru recalled everything that had happened since this morning or the time when he was still in his room. Idomu was there and afterwards, he was in a dark chamber. He can't take it all off his mind. He was very confused and still unaware of what's happening. He just knew that he is in a bad condition and he must get out of the place as soon as possible but even though he tried… he still can't free himself. "Damn!" The blonde cursed as he concluded that he won't be able to be released if only someone will try to help him out of the place. "So… are you tired already? Mocking words to yourself." A voice appeared and closer, the voice revealed Idomu.

Nokoru was quite irritated but still controlled his temper and smiled significantly. "So what is a prince, like you, doing in a place like this?" Idomu asked arrogantly as he went closer to him and stared at his sapphire blue eyes. "You think so? Actually, I do not know, and I feel a bit confused. Can you tell me why then?" The blonde responded, losing his smile; he knew that he was facing trouble but he tried to keep this fear and accept every trial that he will suffer. "Is that so my prince? Hmph! I forgot that you know nothing about you current situation but don't you worry, I will tell it to you." The red-haired grinned and neared his face to the blonde's. "You know Nokoru, you are cute but… it is worthless now." Idomu turned his back and held something in his hands. "But don't worry. I won't touch your face." Idomu flickered his hand and a loud torturous sound hit the floor making the blonde bit his lower lip.

Nokoru was in silence, unable to do anything. He was confused. He just kept on staring at the floor… waiting for what will happen next. He knew that he can't escape it, so he didn't tried to coz he'll just use up all his energy for nothing. But why? "Why is this happening to me?" The blonde kept on asking. "You don't know why!" Idomu raged in frustration. His face marked a desire for blood to spread. His eyes were stained with anger, it no longer shines its brightness and it seems to be hollow, filled with sadness and anger. Idomu whipped the lash unto Nokoru's fair body, making wounds in every hit; tainting itself with the blood it loses. Nokoru bit his lower lip harder, trying not squeal in pain. He closed his eyes, striving not to release any tears. "You stole her!" The lash landed heavily down to his body. "My mother…" blood rushed out of his skin… "You stole her smile away from me…" Nokoru bit his lower lip twice than before, cutting it… feeling the pain, the hatred Idomu shows. "She was smiling at you…" blood scattered on the ground, tainting it; pure crimson blood. "…and not at ME!"

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Suoh stared at the blonde, he was indeed sad for him. He oath to protect him but now, he can't even wake him up. "If only I was there. If only I didn't became blind, not to see your sadness under your smile. If only I was not that naïve to see you cry under the rain. All I intended for you is to be happy. But… all along… you were sad. Nokoru… I failed… I failed to be your ninja… I'm sorry." The ninja took the cold towel and placed it on the blonde's forehead. He was hot due to the sickness he has and continually suffering from high fever.

Suoh tightened his fists, he was angry at himself for letting Nokoru suffer like this. Soon, the young ninja was frightened by blood, covering Nokoru's body. He immediately unbuttoned the blonde's shirt and was struck to see his superior's body bleeding. Without any hesitation, he called for the doctor and tried to stop the bleeding. He was frustrated; he didn't know what to do anymore. The blood kept on rushing out his body. Suoh stared at the doctors rushing, trying to stop the blood from flowing out. "Doctor! He's having more and more bruises!"

"I'm sorry sir, but you must go out of the room during the operation." Another doctor tried to lead Suoh out of the room but he refused. "I will stay here! I will not leave Nokoru alone." Suoh stated. Just in time Akira arrived, seeing the situation he dragged his senior out of the room.

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Nokoru wasn't able to bear the pain anymore, releasing a moan of pain. Tears rapidly fell down his cheeks. His whole body was aching in anguish. Idomu paused and smiled. He was happy; making his enemy in agony, seeing Nokoru fell in his hands. It makes him all in joy. "So who's laughing now!" Idomu held the blonde's chin and stared at his face. The blood kept on flowing from the cut he made on his lips. Idomu took sight of it and widened his smile. He brushed the blood off with his thumb and licked it. He tilted Nokoru's face up; he wanted to see his eyes, he wanted to see his tears, but he was wrong.

Nokoru's eyes blazed like fire, they were burning with great emotions. And they shone, the ones shimmering in the dark.

To be continued…

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It doesn't seem to be nice. Err…. This chapter is bad… it's not that good…. Oh well…. Please RxR… thanks a lot for reading! -


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-Sapphire Red

I just realized…. My fic is short, ne? Maybe I should have placed it as a 1-shot. Oh well, my bad. -"

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Idomu banged his back on the door and slowly sat down. He was bothered. "Those eyes…" Idomu lowered his head and held his throbbing chest. He felt his heart, beating twice; but why? "I have seen those eyes before." The image reminisced through his mind and he can't take the thought away.

flashback

The sun brightened up the horizon, where the light touches the earth, warming the margins of life 'till its intimate soul. Two kids were enjoying this warmth and of each other's company. Under the sky, they were happy. "Nokoru, hurry up!" They were laughing, reaching out for a grasp. "Hold my hand." The other looked at him, returning with a smile; he held it without hesitation.

They sat on a sturdy branch of a Cypress tree, gazing at the fields, wondering off their minds. They were dreaming of lofty things. They were journeying through thick lands, deep seas and bright skies. They were friends and there was no doubt that they are. "Idomu." The red-haired smiled as he twitched his head to see his friend, waiting for what he would say. "Thanks a lot." Idomu chuckled and gazed at the sun. "No probs."

Idomu hopped down the tree, followed by Nokoru. They played all day, chasing each other. Laughing, smiling, they were free like birds, soaring high as the sky. Nothing bothered them, nothing pulled their friendship but circumstances came as eagles prayed upon the birds. "Let go of me!" The red-haired hissed, trying to free himself from a tall guy who grabbed him. "Don't take Idomu! He's nothing to do with this!" Nokoru squealed, reaching his hand to his friend, trying to free himself from his kidnapper. "I'm sorry kid, but he will be taken as well. We won't release a trouble maker like him. And besides, Casa Blanca can get easily what she wanted when we have a threat for you." The guy grinned sending a slight chill to the blonde. "Please don't take him. I-I'll give anything just release him." He whimpered as he feared for his friend. He still tried to free himself but it was no use, the kidnappers were way much bigger and stronger. "Nokoru!" Idomu tampered as he felt that they should escape right away from them. He immediately bit the arm of the other man making him release the red-haired. Idomu ran to the other guy, keeping a tight grip on Nokoru and kicked his right leg, abruptly untangling himself to the kid and held his sore leg. Idomu awkwardly held the other boy's hand and ran, getting away from the two kidnappers who were starting to send a chain of curses to the kids.

"Nokoru, what do they want from you!" Idomu asked in confusion as he led the way. "Darn! Those men won't stop following us." He cursed as he let go of Nokoru's hand, making him on his own. "I'm sorry Idomu; I got you into this problem." The blonde lowered his head, filled with fear but overcame with concern for his friend. "You don't have to be. Why? What do they really need?" The blonde gave a quick look at the back then to Idomu. "Casa Blanca… wants the clamp and… me, myself." The other boy was surprised, other than NASA an unknown person wants him and might use him for the worse. "What!" Idomu turned back and set his eyes locked to sapphire ones. It was his first time seeing those eyes, filled with anger, blazing like fire. It was shed with unwanted. He had placed a friend into danger. Idomu was bothered, looking back at his front; he searched for a place where they won't get caught. "There! C'mon."

Idomu ran in frustration, not knowing what to do anymore. He was still shocked on what Nokoru just said and… and afraid of those eyes he met. He knew that those eyes are not his but he had shown it. Those eyes… they had hidden more, more of what should not be. "IDOMU!" Nokoru pushed him out of the drive way before he heard a crash. The red-haired turned his back; his heart raced in fear. Realizing that the kidnappers were running away but that was not the point. He trembled as he held his friend into his arms, filled with crimson blood. His eyes started to be blurry, causing his tears to flow. He was in silence till he cried out. "HELP!"

They waited in vain, Idomu, Nokoru's mother and brothers. The hospital's hall was quiet bringing more tormented time doing nothing but to wait. Idomu sat in silence, he was in pressure. Still, his heart was beating fast and he can't take away the last picture he saw; Nokoru bathing in his own blood. It was torture, despite his young age, he had seen this happen, right in front of him. Idomu kept on trembling and his eyes breaming with tears, he was so afraid.

Momentarily, the door opened revealing a man covered all with white. Everyone stood up and ran towards the doctor. "Mrs. Imonoyama." The doctor stated removing his flu mask. "The patient is fine and he's awake already-" Upon hearing, Idomu rushed to his friend, hugged him tightly and smiled. But he seems to forget one person. Nokoru looked at him without contentment but smiled gracefully. "I'm sorry but… do I know you?"

It was hard to accept it. He remembered everything except him. HE remembered everything… except his friend.

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Sorrow

Idomu stood up and breathed to even his emotions. He was lost in his own words. He was deep in his own pains. How could his only friend forget him that easily? "How could he…?" Idomu flinged his fist to the wall forcibly, placing his anger into it. He was intellectually frustrated, thinking about the past. It won't really go away and it haunts him every time he would remember it. The past, especially their friendship and that day turned out to be his nightmare, an incredulent story of the past which eventually turned out to be a threat in the future and it was sure to happen. His revenge, his lust to put Nokoru down; everything he had made to make him suffer, it is all but a part of a growing wound if his and if this continues… how would he ever see that there is more in life than sadness.

Idomu bit his lower lip. He just can't stand the pain. Until now, even though they have been friends again, he still can't remember him. "That blonde…" He murmured in his low voice but a tint of anger mixed within his tone of speech. "He had considered the past a part of a dream…" He had never made it into a vision of hope. In fact, it seems that he has buried it under the sand and he had forgotten where he marked it. However… Idomu still hopes that he would remember and bring those memories back.

"How foolish." Idomu grinned as he placed his hand over his right eye. He lowered his head making his hair cover his eyes. "He would never." He refused with the thought that just diverged his first thought… but… has he lost the hope of their friendship? Surely that blonde and that ninja are getting well and worse, they are inseparable and to think of it; it seems that… they are falling in love with each other. It is undeniable; they are in love, with those smiles, those laughters and those days they had shared with one another, there was no doubt that they love the company of which. And so as what it might happen, thought their love can bring Nokoru down. He is of coarse an Imonoyama, specifically, the heir if the clan. He definitely knows what to do, but… it would cost him more. Their love is in conceit. "So what will you do now Nokoru?" He knew that it would be hard and as a friend once, Idomu sure is hurt by the thought.

"If love would be selfish then he will fail… as a man of perfection, but if he will make this love free… I assure that he will be hurt but his name will not be tainted with pain and he, himself will be." He said in silence .He just can't believe them; any choice he would step on, he would be in pain. "Darn!" Idomu cursed. Why would he even think of this stuff? Why would he even care, if… "If I am no one to him…"

Nokoru gained his consciousness and opened his eyes, slowly, as he can still feel the pain throughout his entire body. It was like hell and fire seems to burn his vulnerable body. He was weak, since… "Since when have I been unconscious anyway?" He questioned as he cleared his vision and took the time to scan his surrounding. And yes, he had perceived that he was in another room again. "Still a dream…?" He lifted his hand and placed on his forehead, closing his eyes; filling the place with pure silence though the rustling of the trees can be heard. He was hurt not only physically but his heart was hurt as well. He just can't keep the thought away.

Just in time, as he tried to bring himself up, a small cry broke the silence in the room. "Who…who's there?" The blonde questioned as he tilted his head to the direction of the voice. He was alarmed though his looks changed to sympathy. A small boy walked out of the shadow, crying. "That boy... he is just like me." Nokoru said to himself. "He is crying like me." The blonde patted the child's head and smiled as their eyes met. "This kid, he looks just like me." The small boy sobbed away his tears and stared unseemingly at Nokoru. "And who might you be little one?" Nokoru asked as he wiped away the young boy's tears with his thumbs, keeping his hands on the boy's cheeks. "I'm… I'm Nokoru, Imonoyama Nokoru."

It was him after all. The small kid, he once forgot about. "Nokoru, what a nice name. So tell me, what would be the cause of your tears?" The blonde asked in a well-mannered voice which was filled with a voice of concern. "It's nothing… really. Thanks for your concern big brother but it's nothing, really." The younger boy flashed a smile but it was no use. He was like a book that can easily be read. Then again, tears freely fell down his cheeks. He is still a kid and emotions must not be held against the will. "It's ok, just cry out your pain, I'll be here." Nokoru held the kid into his arms, hugging him to ease the pain or maybe… it's the least he can do. "Its… it's because..." The young boy spoke in between sobs, unable to hold his tears. "I had lied to a friend and- and it seems that I might loose him. No… I know I will loose him." He continued as he held Nokoru's shirt tighter. "It was that time when I had a car accident. I was rushed to the hospital and luckily nothing bad happened to me but… I asked everyone and the doctors to act as if I had amnesia. They told it to my friend, my one and only and I had hurt him too much though I know it was for the best, I don't want him to be in danger again just because of me. So I had made him to forget about me and it hurts and I know it would be more to him than to me. I lost a friend and he did to. He was my only friend… and I had left him… If only… If only I'm not an Imonoyama! If only I did not receive this brain that NASA wants! Then… then of course, I would have someone whom I may call… a friend… but it's impossible now."

The blonde startled as he heard all these. Yes, it had happened to him before and it had made himself hurt too much. That incident had caused him more that what was expected. He never thought that it would be difficult to forget him and indeed, he was wrong. Day and night he would suffer thinking of him; he did not eat nor did he sleep well. He had even locked himself in his room, occasionally he would go out if necessary. And once in a while he would be rushed to the hospital because of some sickness he got. This continued for over a year and everyone in their mansion worried about him. His mother and siblings would even take a leave in their work and assume the time spent for the blonde, caressing him. Surely they have shown their love for him but even though they tried to take the pain out of him, it deepens even more, thinking that there's no chance that he'll have friends again and if he does, they'll just suffer. Still, for Nokoru, it would be better to hurt yourself that to hurt others, even though the pain he would endure breaks his heart, he would still take it just for the happiness of others.

That is why; he is being tortured by others and he, as well though no one notices it because he wears that fake smile. No one knows but only the illusion that prevents the reality be revealed. He had kept it for so long, he had endured his sadness and until now. Even love must be taken away, he had loved the ninja and it had not done any good in fact it made the situation worse. It had made the blonde deepen his sorrow and frantically, he would be out in the rain… crying.

"But that's the least I can do for my friends." Nokoru muttered in a soft voice. The little kid looked up at him. He can see in the older boy's eyes the feeling of hurt as he as well feels the grief of it. They are just the same, they are hurt and only they can see it. "I'm sorry." The younger blonde whispered making the blonde look down at him. "I should have not told you this. "I'm sorry." The boy turned his back and ran away. He disappeared just as he fled away into darkness.

"It's not your fault…" Nokoru said in his mind. "You just did it for the sake of your friend… and loosing them… is a part of it and it can't be helped." The blonde cuddled himself under the bed sheets. The wind was very cold not just because of the rain but also the feeling of great despair. "Still… it seems that it is wrong." I had made them suffer as well, especially him… Idomu."

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Awaken

Suoh stared blankly at the blonde. The doctors said that the patient will be alright, soon after they had treated his wounds and cleansed his body. They said that he needed lots of rest and still... "He won't wake up." He hasn't opened his sapphire eyes for so long and everyone has been so worried.

The doctors also said that the cuts on Nokoru's body are caused by his dreams, however… no one believed them but if it is the truth... "Then I must go in his dreams and save him." But the question is… "how?"

Suoh sighed as there is no chance to be in his dreams. He doesn't even know what Nokoru is dreaming about and what more may happen to the blonde's body rather than cuts and bruises and what more if his one may die? The young ninja held his one's hand and placed it on his right cheek, making himself feel hope that the blonde is still alive, breathing and is just sleeping. "Nokoru… I miss you already… so please… Nokoru… open your eyes… please, for me. Nokoru, I-" He turned his back as the door creaked open revealing the youngest among the three detectives, Akira. He slowly went in and silently closed the door, keeping the solemnity of the room. "Sempai…?" Akira started with a frown as he closed the door behind him. He never thought that his superior would be so worried like this and yet he is wrong, Suoh has been by Nokoru's side since the day he was rushed to the hospital and until now. "Sempai, here, I brought you lunch and tea." The young chef handed out the meal he made especially for his superior. He knew that he hadn't eaten much and had enough rest just to stay by Nokoru's side so by the time he would wake up; he would be the first one to see him, and his sapphire eyes; the ones that always lingers in his mind.

"Thank You Akira. I really appreciate your kindness." Suoh forced a weak smile. He turned around and faced the blonde again. He had been like this; if only none of these problems happened then they would just all be happy and Nokoru will not be in this white room; so dull, so… nothing and it only brings so much misery. "If only they painted it with different colors… bright ones." Akira whispered before he placed a small pout on his lips. He placed the meal he cooked on the table and silently he walked toward Suoh but he stopped midway and smiled. "I know!" The young boy shouted making his superior look at him with a shock on his face. "I'll be back sempai!" Akira hurriedly turned his back and made his way out of the room. "He knows what?" Suoh asked as he heard the door slam shut.

Curious, he just let it be. "He's always like that." Full of ideas and jolly. He's still a kid… Suoh stood up and went to the table to eat his lunch. He smiled, knowing that he still have friends to lean on and they are always there for him. Moments later, Akira came barging in bringing buckets of different colored paints and brushes. "Sempai! I'm back!" The young boy greeted as he placed the buckets near the wall. "What the!" Suoh was startled, he didn't even know what will Akira do and his oh so called 'plan'.

"Don't worry sempai. I asked Idomu-san if he could help and yes, he's coming." Akira stated as he placed an apron around his waist then he drew, using a pencil, on the walls. Just as he started, Idomu came in bringing the same thing as what Akira brought earlier. "Hi Suoh! Akira just had a nice plan on welcoming Nokoru by painting the room so I came along."

"What!" Suoh asked in disbelief. "Akira this is a hospital not an ordinary room that you can just paint or anything such as, you know." He continued. "But sempai, I already asked them if I may paint the room and they said yes… uhm… with the help of Nokoru's mother, of course." Akira defended innocently. "So no we're going to paint! Care to join?" Akira handed out a pencil and a brush at the defeated ninja. Suoh sighed; he never thought that it would be like this. He took the pencil and brush and did his part on the other wall. Luckily, Nokoru was wearing an oxygen mask so that he would not smell the intense scent of the paint. And they started.

Time passed by, twelve noon, three in the afternoon, and they still continued painting, filling the room with no more misery but colors of hope and happiness.

Nokoru stood up and straightened his shirt. "Enough… I don't want to hurt anyone, anymore." He whispered. He felt nothing more but guilt. He was hurt for the better and still it was a big mistake. "To give others happiness before mine." He had failed to do it. "I am not what others think who I am." He is not perfect at all. He feels pain, rejection, sadness, selfishness and anger. He just can't let them see these emotions because he will let his whole family down, the whole Imonoyama. "But this cannot be…" He knew he should stand for what is right and this time he will not hurt anyone, anymore.

"I knew you would come." His sapphire eyes glowed in the dark, the only ones that can possibly be seen. Those deep meaningful eyes, they mean something; but what could it be? "Well I thought I could sneak up your sleeping form but… by the looks of it, you are wide awake. I guess I was wrong." Idomu smirked and went closer to the blonde. His eyes were shed with sadness, as what Nokoru saw, he was sad and until now. He never did forget after all and he was alone. Nokoru tightened his fists. "How could I do this to him?" He silently said.

Idomu held the blonde's chin, moving his face to see him more clearly. He is still the Nokoru he knew. "Punch me." The red-haired was stunned. "What!" Idomu asked to reassure what he heard. "If that would make you happy. If that's how you can release the pain, then just do it. Punch me, thrust me." With those words, it had angered Idomu and as soon as he finished his statement, he started beating him up. "I hate you Nokoru! I really do!" Idomu continued but this time with every blow he sent, memories of their childhood would come back and at the same time, he felt more than hurt. Again, he punched him but this time they fell on the floor and still he continued beating up the blonde.

The three boys were exhausted, for all the work they've done. The room was sure to be happier than ever. It was filled with designs of such that would really make Nokoru feel all so inspired. Soon, Idomu and Akira managed to sleep by the small dining table as far as Suoh remembered before he placed the blanket on them, he heard Akira spoke. "Kaichou, we made your room full of love from our hearts. Isn't it nice? We really missed you Kaichou."

Suoh sat on his chair by Nokoru's side. He held his hand and placed it on his cheek. "Nokoru… I wish you heard Akira… He really does miss you already. So please… open you eyes." The young ninja yawned; he too was tired from all that painting and drawing. "Nokoru…" He tried to keep his eyes open but he just can't and fell asleep, holding his one's hand. "Nokoru…"

Idomu was about to punch him on the face once more but was stopped when Nokoru faced him. "Those eyes…" Idomu was speechless. He never has seen him like this before. "Nokoru…" Slowly, the blonde tried to sit down. "He…" The red haired lowered his fist. "He is crying…" Unexpectedly, Nokoru hugged him. "Idomu, I'm sorry." The red haired was motionless after he lowered his head. There was silence for a while. Both of them felt each other's heart beat until Nokoru continued. "When we were young, back when I was hospitalized, I lied to you… I was afraid. I was afraid to lose you. Idomu, you were my best friend and you were the only one who understood me. But… I didn't want to lose someone I love… anymore."

Just then Idomu remembered the death of Nokoru's beloved sister. She was the only one who was with him all the time and he loved his sister dearly. Just because, she was the only family that showed him love. His other family members were always busy doing their jobs and they had no time for him.

"After that incident, I thought that… that-" Nokoru was cut off by Idomu's sudden outburst. "That it would be okay for me to forget our friendship? To make me look like an idiot in the hospital? That I won't be hurt anymore? Is that so… Nokoru?" The blonde was silent, yes, he thought that would be for the better. "But didn't you think that I would be awfully hurt? Nokoru… I"

"I'm sorry Idomu. I thought it would be safer for you and I didn't want you to get involved in my own problems. Idomu, you are my friend and I don't want you to get hurt." The other smiled, at least, until now, he cares for him. "Nokoru… I think it's time to say… goodbye. Nokoru… thank you."

The young ninja woke up as he felt something move. He cleared his vision and was stunned to see the bed empty. "Nokoru?" Suoh turned his back and saw a familiar figure by the window. He turned around and smiled at the ninja.

"Those eyes"

"Suoh…"

"Those sapphire gems."

"I'm sorry to make you worry."

"His genuine smile… NOKORU!"

Suoh quickly made his way to the blonde and hugged him. "We almost lost you." The blue-haired whispered, just in time Akira and Idomu woke up; seeing the sight, they too went to the blonde and hugged him. "Kaichou we painted the walls for you!" Akira happily said. "Thank You Akira. Indeed, it is very beautiful." Afterwards the blonde gazed at Idomu and spoke up. "Idomu, when we were young-" He instantly stopped when Idomu shook his head. "Nokoru… that was all in the past. Let's just move on… Kaichou…"

"Welcome Back!"

Owari


End file.
